Chapter 66: Why am I not done yet…?

Here’s a good question to ask: Why the hell am I not done my book yet? I know I’ve been pondering this very question more and more lately. Why is it that it was so easy to crank out the Nanowrimo 50,000 and then I came to a slow but certain HALT…?

I sort of feel like this right now.

Some people might say nerves. Others might say procrastination. I guess it’s a little of both. While I desperately want this book to be done, there is some part of me that is concerned about how good it really is. Especially now that I have taken into consideration a major overhaul of early story plot. I think it was around this time when I wrote Aquarius that I broke down and had trouble finishing my manuscript.

I think I may have a fear of commitment. At least when it comes to writing.

December was a busy month. January I was under the weather. February had no excuse. Now it’s March and I should be done, but I am far… far from it. With the Steam Punk convention coming up at the end of May, I feel that i NEED to be done my novel by then. I want to have something to present to people that I come across. Something so I can say “why yes indeed, I have written a steam punk book!” even if it’s not polished perfectly.

Will I go so far as to carry a copy of my manuscript in my bag? Maybe. But so much more’s the reason to have it FINISHED.

Now if you’ll forgive me brutal use of capital letters, I would like to state again that I have very little excuse beyond slight illness and overwhelming procrastination that has kept me from writing. To some extent I have let my day job (the one that pays me) take more time from me than I’d like.

If only bills didn’t exist so I could focus on writing. Like I should be doing. I envy not the house-bound women of decades past but at the same time I do consider the fact that women in the past not having to work probably helped them find time to write. Like Virginia Woolf or Emily Dickenson.

Okay, bad examples. But mental health not withstanding, excellent writers.

It’s discouraging how little money I would need to be able to stay home and get this book done. Oh well. Maybe I’ll win the lottery. I probably have just as much  chance of winning as anyone else. Despite the fact I don’t play it.

Cheers and Good Writing,
Cara Spinosa

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Isabella Louise Anderson
    Mar 04, 2011 @ 15:37:19

    Great blog post! I know how you feel about thinking it would be finished! I’m right there with you! I started what I’m hoping will be my first book in March of last year. I’ve had my ups and downs, and have learned a lot!

    Have you tried setting deadlines for yourself? Sometimes knowing that you have a certain date to have something, whether it’s a certain word count, page number or chapters completed, it can motivate you. I’m not trying to be Dr. Phil, but ask yourself, “Is this working for me?”

    Good luck! 🙂

    Reply

  2. Ollin
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 20:02:14

    Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. When it’s done it’ll be done and you’ll know it. To put a time constraint. Just promise yourself you’ll get it done. Good luck to you!

    Reply

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